Mother's Day!!! So I'm a little late..

On this fine cloudy, rainy, fantastic morning I will be going in depth into the day of our Mothers so cleverly named as Mother's Day! The day that should remember how much their mother has done for them. From the excruciating pain of pushing your wiggly little body out of theirs, to your birthday cakes, to laundry, and beyond! Join me as I make no conclusions what so ever on a post I should have done a few weeks ago, but will prepare anyone for the next 11 months ahead.

**DISCLAIMER**

For those of you without a Mother, please leave now. This is an exclusive club and you're not invited. This may seem harsh, but if we let everyone in with a young grandmother or an extremely feminine father, things would just go haywire. And nobody wants that..

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To go back in history, I'll reveal the origin of Mother's Day. Or as the French called it, Donateur égoïste fâché de naissance which roughly translates to annoyed egotistic giver of birth. Back in 1782 the men of France were stupid crape-eating little girls who did nothing but sleep and drink wine and smell stinky cheese. The women of France did not like the lack of attention their husbands were giving their families, namely themselves. So, they decided as a single unit to rebel against their disgusting husbandry they were receiving. All wives marched into the streets, cooking supplies in hand, frantic, and quite pissy. Moving as one, they chanted their words loud, "Nous voulons des choses! Un bon nombr'et un bon nombre de choses!" Roughly translated this means, "We want things! Lots and lots of things!" The cry so great, the destruction of France so monumental, the men of France came out of the taverns, and in response flooded to the nearest gift stores buying anything they could. They couldn't fight back! They were French men! This continued all day until the chanting had diminished and the men were sober. From that point on Mothers Day was born. And ever since that point, men have boughten useless crap on this day in an attempt to tame the beast that is our mothers.

I realize that this is a load of crap, but it makes for good reading. Truth is, I have no idea how Mother's Day came to be. And I don't really care. I just abide by the rules of I'm lazy and I don't give a fuck, good rules. Just to clarify, I don't dislike Mother's Day.