"Kick the baby!"
Baby sitters. At some point or another in time if you have a child you will need a baby sitter. But for those of you who didn't know this, you aren't with your child during the time period of baby sitting. So before you decide to go with the Bubba that has a scar on his eye and a tattoo of Ozzy bighting the head off a baby just because he charges $10 less than Marry Sue, think about the desicion you're about to make.
And so I bring my next point, baby sitters should be required to take a test and aqcuire a license from the state to be able to do the job that they wish. This process will not only weed out Bubba, but also the lazy people that don't want to take this test and would probably end up forgetting that your child requires a diaper change, sleep, attention, and probably food.
Time to take a little dose of vitamin responsibility!
Now if this question has popped in your tiny little head or not let me answer it before I get too ahead of myself. No, I don't have kids, I am 18 and with as rambonxious as I am with my girl friend I might in the near future, but at this point in time
It is my stern belief, and has been for a year or so, that any and all people who want to have a child should have to pass through a massive screening process in order to obtain a license to give birth, adopt, or create a child in a test tube. This process will have many different levels, first, the written exam on
certain situations on how to care for a child(no true or false). This will, again, weed out Bubba and his baby eating religion, along with the lazy parents that will, more than likely, forget that they have a child and instead of feeding them will be shootin' coons out in the back yard. A sample question might possibly be "If my child were to ask me a question I would: (a) stare at them until they go away. (b) hit them for openning their mouth. (c) tell them no because they touch themselves at night. (d) yell at them for being an open minded idiot." The good parents would be stopped at the door as they were walking out of the testing room and brought to the next level of the screening process.The next level will be a little tougher. The test will be what to feed the child on a regular basis. The choices might be a 5 lbs. steak, a box of cigarettes, a wooden table, or a box of applejuice and mashed pees. Now the first three if chosen will get the testee sent away, but the 4th option will give the person an electric shock, this will happen for two reasons. This shows they care about the child's health and that they will do anything to make sure their baby doesn't eat a table.
The third level will require both parents to be in one room alone. They will be put there with a warm 3 lbs. turkey with stuffing and mashed taters! They will be left in this room for 3 days with the following information: treat the delicious turkey and sides like your child-to-be. This process is to weed out Bubba just incase he walks out on the written exam because the word 'question' is too hard for him and he has a high tolerance for pain in the second test. If by the end of the 3 days we find the parents holding the uneaten "child" they have passed!
The rest of the tests will be mixture of eating cow penis and walking on high wires so that this video footage will be sent to CBS. This is how the licensing company will make it's money. Other than all of that it's just maintenance.
Let's get technical
Every working day I go into the office and fix people's computer and internet problems. This is my job, and I enjoy it. But there are somethings I believe people should be required to have in order to even obtain a computer; drum roll please! A license! It's nothing too
harsh, but when I get calls where the person doesn't know what a modem, email, and/or a right-click is, it needs to stop. So, from this point on, anywhere computers are sold there will be an exam to take to own one! Questions, again, will not be that difficult. Such as;"What is ram? (a) an animal with horns (b) mar spelled backwards (c) memory (d) kick ass football team! WOOO!!!" Another question might be; "What will be my ISP? (a) probably someone in my area (b) I'm sorry, I don't have the ability to read minds (c) I haven't decided, but it won't be AOL (d) AOL!" Or even; "What should be my operating system? (a) Windows XP (b) my operation what? (c) my new computer heehee! (d) Mac OSX."
If answer (d) is selected on any of these questions the people will be dropped into a pit of battery acid... Macintosh my ass. After a computer owner's license is sent after 12 business days through mail, the recipeint will be able to buy a computer anywhere they'd like. This will solve questions like, "My computer won't turn on. Did my megahurtz get stoled?" And finally with the solution of a license to protect life, bear life, and own a PC all will be good with the world!
I could fix this world. I really could.
-Lantz
